


Call Out My Name

by miahyunggi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28580688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miahyunggi/pseuds/miahyunggi
Summary: A seemingly ordinary child ends up in the hands of the Scouts. As she grows through the guidance of soldiers, a discovery is made that she may not be so conventional after all.Friends, lovers, enemies, everything that comprised in her cruel setting, was now not more than a component to her exponential capabilities.In a world full of pain, she coerces herself to confide beyond what she could imagine, even if that reopens scars that were latched for good.
Relationships: Levi & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/You, Levi/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 71





	1. entry

Hello to whoever will decide to read this. I'm Mia and this is my first time writing a fanfiction here in AO3. If you read this book, I really appreciate it. I hope you enjoy this book and do comment if you have reactions and thoughts. I would love to hear them.

(I won't stop updating this book until I say so hehe. So just expect frequent posts for chapters.)


	2. regret

It was a lonely day.

I took steps toward a quiet mountain as the wind brushed by subtly.

My hair flew back, but I continued sauntering toward the rough mountain.

I was withering, internally.

In those moments, my prosperous life glinted before my eyes.

My mother waking me up with breakfast in her hands. She cooked me omelets most of the time. If she had no work to do, she would even prepare me a huge chunk of meat.

When I get out of bed, my father would entertain me and tell me how much he loved me. He would carry me and even tickle me until I'm energized enough to start the day.

Then my mother would come out of my room, she and my father would caress me until I complain that I can't breathe.

They adored each other a lot, but more than that, they loved me.

The only reason that I was happy in such a cruel world was because they existed.

But now, I'm isolated.

I could have helped them.

I could have saved them.

If only I hadn't left.

If only I didn't listen to mother that day.

They could have been alive.

But here I am now, walking towards the top of a mountain, not knowing what more to do with my existence.

In my hand was a sword that my father kept in our basement, it was heavier than normal.

Maybe because of the remorse that resumed to weigh the sword down.

It was exuding blood.

I went crazy.

A little less human and still I couldn't protect them.

Now, peering at the view in front of me. I let the tears erupt from my tired eyes onto my bloody apparel.

And if this day couldn't get any more lonesome, the rain started to pour down.

I despise titans.

Why did I have to be born in a place where they had to exist?

Everything was supposed to be fair.

I was supposed to be satisfied.


	3. outcast

“Commander, there are no titans here, but we did find a child here.” A cadet informed upon discovering an unconscious little girl on the top of the hill.

“If I were to guess, the little girl was from the village south of Shiganshina. Probably ran here in fear.” He continued.

The commander didn’t reply for a few seconds, thinking about what he can do given the situation.

“We should end this expedition here. We lost too many soldiers this time, if we’re not careful, none of us might come back alive.” That was all the commander said to the cadet.

The lone and curious cadet was about to ask him once again about what their plan for the little girl was, however, before he could ask, the commander turned his head back to him.

“Where is this little girl you speak of?”

”Over there, commander.” He replied, pointing to the direction where many other cadets stood.

The commander gave him a slight nod and left the cadet in the thought of what was going to happen.

________

He dismounted his horse and stepped closed to the unconscious little girl.

He observed her state, the blood on her shirt, and her pale face. She could have passed as someone dead.

He placed a hand on her head and felt immense warmth from her. She was sick, a reason why she was unconscious as they found her.

It was then that he picked her up and laid her down on the cart that they had.

He then looked at all the cadets who watched as he laid the girl on the cart.

”Today, we retreat. We must prepare for the next expedition well. This little girl will be a reminder of why we will keep on fighting... let her presence remind all of us, why we do this.” He said in a strong tone and prospect. Even so, he questioned his words, he questioned if he even believed himself.

More so, he questioned how much this little girl can help them.


	4. naive

~ four years later ~

a l e x

”I heard they were getting new members from the underground.” A cadet said to another.

This has been what was being tossed about for a while now.

Everybody seemed to have made it a huge deal that new members are recruited from the underground.

”Alex, I finally found you.” Sophia said upon seeing me for the first time today.

I swerved my head toward her and she moved toward me, looking at people as they were talking about the underground recruits.

”What is everyone talking about?” She asked, feeling bewildered and out of place.

”Today is the day when we will meet the recruits from the underground.” I explained to her.

Knowing Sophia, chatters weren't really her thing, and so was judging people by the places that they came from. Her character is the biggest reason why I have a friend. She’s different from others, she's nice and is always there when I need her.

After I explained the talk of the cadets to her, she just gave a nod. Like I had assumed, it wasn't a big deal to her. Not that it should be.

Following our small talk, another cadet whom we call Jack approached us. He’s not really known as a good person in our training camp.

Everywhere he goes, trouble always follows. It's probably the reason why I fear him.

Every time he would get close to me, I feel the need to have Sophia around. I’m a coward and I withhold behind her like a defenseless child.

I have a habit of deducing things, but something about this guy just keeps me up at night. I always feel as though he has other intentions every time he’d approach me.

”So, I guess we’re getting more outsiders in this place.” He said, giving me a menacing grin. He was mocking me for the way that I got in here. By the fact that I was only here because the commander took me in.

”Shut up, Jackass. If you have nothing good to say, just leave us alone.” Sophia replied, that being her protective friend instinct.

”Soph, it's okay—”

”No.” She said to me with a serious gaze in her eyes. Then she looked back at the jackass and said, ”Go insult yourself. Alex did nothing to you.”

Just as Jack was going to reply, our head yelled for us to go out and meet the new recruits. It was something I was thankful for. I don't think Sophia would be okay if this went on.

”Just you wait, you little shit.” He said to us, before leaving toward his group of friends.


	5. lost

a l e x

”Everyone, meet the recruits!” Another one of our leaders yelled.

He then swerved his head to the recruits' direction and told them to introduce themselves.

There were three of them, a girl with pigtails, a guy in a black undercut, and the other guy who had light brown hair.

”Isabel Magnolia.” The girl said with little hesitation.

”Farlan Church.” Followed the light brown-haired guy.

In the middle of them was a guy who looked a bit shorter than his friends. His hair was black and styled in an undercut. His eyes were greyish-blue, and he wore an annoyed frown on his face.

”I’m Levi.” He spoke as if he was being pushed to introduce himself, which they were.

The other cadets were all in shock as he acquainted himself informally.

Me being the way I am, couldn’t bother any less.

”They just look like normal people.” People meandered.

Even now, they still belittled the idea of coming from the underground. Part of me can’t censure them, and the other just choose to trust the Survey Corps.

I looked at Sophia, trying to scrutinize what she was thinking, but it didn't seem like she was listening to the introductions in any way.

”Is something wrong?” I asked her out of concern.

”Nothing big. I just remembered that in a day we’ll be going on an expedition again.” Despair acceded to her face as she replied.

Sophia shunned expeditions, after being a part of the scouts for a year, she witnessed many things and still can't get used to deaths.

Not that I could blame her for that though, deaths aren’t easy to get used to.

After a while, she brushed off the idea and all cadets were instructed to go back inside.

More preparations for the expedition if I assume so.

I and Sophia sharpened our blades as if they weren’t already so sharp when they were given to us.

We always had a lot of fun during training, all of our worries get released and we get to teach each other new skills we acquired.

We bonded during training. Strangely, our friendship began when I accidentally swatted her in the face. She asked me to teach her hand to hand combat, and now here we are.

I suggested that we drill our accuracy because I felt like throwing some knives today.

We stood about ten meters away from the targets and competed against each other over who would hit closer to the major points of the target.

She threw the knives first, most of them settled at the primary points. Frankly, she only missed two major parts.

So then, I got my turn.

I gripped the small knife softly as I wanted to release it with ease.

As I tried to see the feasible conclusion of me throwing my knife in specific places, I finally found a good position.

I heaved my hand back, then trudged it a few degrees away from my head, with this I let go of the knife.

It hit the center of the target, after Sophia’s.

”That is so cool!” Sophia said in astonishment as she looked at the knife that punctured through the target.

She then put her hand in front of my face, which was our companion instinct of a high five.

We're fairly united in bizarre ways.

I don't know what I would do without Sophia.

She's that sister I could never have.

Someone that I can't carry to lose.


	6. away

a l e x

The day has come to open the gates out of the walls again.

I gave a nervous smile to Sophia’s direction.

Seeing me smile at her, she smiled in return.

Commander Erwin said a few words, and as the gates opened he told us to give our hearts and fight for humanity.

He thrust his sword forward and followed it was thousands of soldiers riding on their respective horses.

It was as if we were charging to our deaths.

I and Sophia were on different lanes, so before our squad leaders parted ways, we had a little chat.

It’s that small getaway you have, trying to escape the harsh reality that you’re in.

It was such a short getaway that in a few moments, I was already saying goodbye.

“See you later.” She said.

I nodded at her with a sincere smile as I wavered my horse and followed to where my squad leader told us to go.

We were positioned to stay on the northern post, while Sophia’s group was positioned at the south.

As we would move along, we’d eventually merge with their group and try to clear out succeeding titans in the zone.

I want to meet up with Sophia already. I know it hasn’t even been a few minutes yet, but losing sight of her makes me so nervous.

“Three 10-meter titans ahead!” My squad leader yelled.

I broke out of my wandering mind, trying to focus myself on the coming titans.

I didn’t know how to see the situation, because after a while I just found myself using my ODM to slice a titan’s nape.

As another member of our group was fighting, a titan pulled on the string of his ODM gear. And again, as if it was just something reflexive in me, I had that need to come in a slice the titan’s hand.

Eventually, my group member was able to retrieve himself. We were lucky to not have lost anyone yet.

As we were nearing the south, everyone was ordered a specific direction to go to.

It was so quiet that it seemed so suspicious.

I didn’t have a good feeling at all and even my squad leader seemed like he was noticing something off.

The area was suddenly so foggy, then one after the other, a cadet was going missing from our formation.

It was only when five of us were left, that the squad leader looked at us.

“We’re nearing the southern outpost. Stay on the main.” He said, trying to hide the fear that he was noticeably having.

The air thickened. It reeked the smell of metal. More so, if death had a scent, this was definitely it.

I couldn’t point out what it is that I’m feeling, my heart was racing, but I don’t feel it racing.

It was a sinking feeling, but I didn’t know why.

“HELP!” Someone yelled.

I looked at where the sound was from and it was my squad leader getting eaten by a titan. His loud yelling was then interrupted by the titan crushing his head and eating his body.

I froze up. I moved only when my squad leader was already dead.

There were only four of us remaining, then there were two titans that creepily stood in front of us.

We had to rush forward. We had to kill it.

Even if they weren’t supposed to be here.

Here we were, slicing feet and eyes until we got a good target at the nape.

Upon killing the two titans, one of my fellow members asked, “Why are there titans here? They should have been cleared by the south post.” She continued.

“I was thinking the same thing, unless...” Another replied.

I knew what she meant.

It couldn’t be true.

Sophia...


	7. despair

a l e x

“Let’s go,” I said as I mounted my horse.

I didn’t know what suddenly came over me, but I knew that I needed to see Sophia.

“What are you doing, Alex?” Someone asked, questioning my sudden right to command them.

“We are following through with the formation plan,” I replied, which was nothing more than a lie that I uttered.

I never looked back. Not even once.

I need to get there, and that was all that was set in my mind.

The scent started to strengthen. It was horrible.

I already knew what I’m smelling. And yet here I was forcing myself to think that I was just mistaken.

She can’t. She wouldn’t.

I don’t know what I’m doing.

My mess of a mind was interrupted as my horse stopped in its tracks.

I caressed it’s back, trying to push it to go further, but whatever I did, it didn’t want to move.

Then I looked in front of me. The fog was clearing, the field was beginning to show itself.

Horses were dead. Some were even without heads.

There was so much blood, scout uniforms, bodies...

My heart sunk.

I unmounted my horse, still having my blades ready.

I walked towards the seige of bodies the laid in front of me.

My other members couldn’t even move. Perhaps it was fear, not that I could blame them.

And here I was walking through the pools of blood, my heart sinking deeper as I took shaky steps.

I kept wishing and praying and begging that I don’t find Sophia here.

And for a long time, I didn’t.

A titan appeared in front of me. It was an abnormal. It was bigger than usual.

Its form was painted with blood.

It was one of the more terrifying ones I’ve seen.

But that wasn’t what got my attention.

The thing that got my attention was what hanged in its mouth.

Sophia.

“ALEX!” She yelled out. It felt like thorns that pierced through me. I

tried to get there as fast as I could. I felt my odm get lighter as it lost all the gas that was stored.

As I was about to go up and aim for its nape, it bit down and scattered blood all over my face. There was no more screaming, just half a body that now laid in front of me.

My eyes filled with tears. The world stopped for that moment.

Sophia’s face was in front of me. Her eyes were wide in fear.

I was stuck for that moment. I didn’t know what to do.

I felt like I was suddenly creating electricity inside me. I was burning with hatred.

As if it was a reflex, I was flying again.

My gas getting weaker and weaker as every second flew by.

With so much anger, I was burning. I hit its nape, and even the nape’s of the other titans it attracted.

I was going so fast, and I wasn’t thinking straight.

I was fuming and I couldn’t control myself. For every flesh, every skin that I slit, I was letting go of such heavy emotions.

My gas was out. But my urge just grew stronger with every second that passed.

My hands pulled out the strings from my odm. I tied it in a quick loop and tossed it on a tree branch close to where I was.

I tied the other side of the string on my hand and threw myself on top of the last titan.

Even I was in disbelief of what I was doing right now. But I was certain. I was going. I was burning in anger.

I yelled out in pain as I slid down the titan’s nape toward the half of its body.

It fell to the ground, and so did I.

My face was dripping with blood, my scout uniform didn’t even look like a uniform anymore.

Heavy panting was all that came out of me.

Then there were those unfamiliar quiet whimpers.

Maybe it was now beginning to sink in.

My only friend in this cruel world is gone.

Because I was too late.

Again.


	8. fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really a summary, but do expect this chapter to be quite long! Thank you for reading, enjoy!

Levi had just finished a conversation with Erwin.

He was upset by the way it ended, but he saw through the way Erwin thought.

As Erwin walked back to his horse, Alex and the remaining bunch of the squad gathered along with them.

Out of the twenty people in the north post, only four came back. Not even one came back from the south post.

They gained the attention of everyone there, more so, Alex did.

Erwin treated her like a friend, sometimes even as a family. Upon seeing her state, the quiet and bloody appearance. He walked up to her in concern.

Like his usual patterns, he would ask if she was okay. But this time, she wasn’t even in the right mind to care.

“Don’t,” Alex uttered before he could ask. She didn’t even look at him. Not even once.

“Let’s just go.” Her trembling voice tried to say.

She continued riding her horse back to her standard position. When she was in the back, she just remained silent and acted like everything was okay with the way she currently is.

Erwin went back to his horse and carried an order toward the direction they were heading to, but in the back of his mind, he was worried for Alex.

This was the first time he ever saw her like this.

________

They camped out for the whole night. Arriving at their current post, they had to clear a lot of titans.

The scouts were divided into groups with one person in charge of lighting the campfire for each group.

Alex was grouped with Hange, Mike, and Levi.

They were nice to her, they always were. They always came across as people who didn’t care about anyone’s personal background.

Mike started the fire, and Alex tried her best to help Hange with the setting up of the sleeping area.

Levi helped Mike with collecting wood for the fire, however, after that he just sat in the side in silence.

That’s was how it went for Alex as well.

Following the setting up of the sleeping areas, she just sat on top of her sleeping bag.

She removed her bloody cape allowing her hair to finally fly free as the wind passed by.

Despite the tightness that she was feeling, removing her cape didn’t change anything.

In every camp out they ever had, Sophia was right next to her.

Even though the deaths, she’d lighten up her mood. She always seemed to know what to do, but now Alex was just left in an empty and unusual space.

As she was idling silently, Jack approached her with a smug look on his face.

Because the deaths would most likely mean nothing to him.

Alex looked up at him, not really in the mood for his unnecessary idiocy.

“Look who’s alone right now. Where’s Sophia?” He asked, even mockingly looking around as if it was funny.

“Oh wait. She’s already titan food.” He said, working his way to hurt Alex more than she already is. He then continued laughing.

Alex would never respond to him because she was always scared that he’d hurt her.

However, she was feeling so loose right now. Her patience has already run thin.

“You think you’re so funny, don’t you?” Alex answered back for the first time. Her voice was raspy... and dead. Enough to send chills running through everyone who heard it.

Their heads turned to her, even ones who seemed like they wouldn’t care.

“I do. What are you going to do about it?” He mocked.

Alex's hands formed into a fist and even if it wasn’t like her to get worked up about the stuff that comes out of Jack’s mouth, she’s had enough of it.

As if she was out of control, she threw her fist toward Jack’s face, making him flinch. However, she didn’t go through with her punch.

“Please just leave me alone!” Her voice broke as she yelled at him.

No one dared to say anything else. They just pretended as if the whole situation didn’t happen.

________

When the sun began to show itself, the squad began their travel back to the walls.

They ran into some titans along the way, but they weren’t as big of a concern as the titans from the previous day.

It was a quiet ride, because who would be in the mood to be smiling or laughing when almost half of the people they used to know are dead.

As they arrived in front of the walls, they didn't only have to feel the heavier pain of all those they lost. They also had to surpass all the eyes that people pointed at them, all the judgment they hold for people believing that life outside the walls was something possible.

Most eyes were filled with criticism, mockery, and words of waste.

And a few were there waiting for their respective family members to arrive.

With no choice but to watch, the cadets had to bear the heavy feeling of watching as family cried for their loved ones who are now nothing more than nonexistent.

________

After the waves of suspecting eyes, they took what's left of themselves back to the facility.

The atmosphere was darker than usual, which wasn't a surprise considering that the death rate was also higher.

But what else could they do other than go back to their training lives again? It’s not like they can turn back time and save everyone they lost.

After surrendering her horse to the stables, Alex took a straight walk back to her lodge.

The scent of metal and death was still all over her being, so the first thing she thought of was to wash up.

She was so tired that she wanted to lighten her mood, that is if taking a shower would even give her what she wanted.

However, despite a long time of submerging herself in water, she still didn’t feel all that well.

She couldn’t just stay in her room.

So, she went to have some fresh air? She was quite unsettled if that was even the right way to call it.

Right at the front steps of the Scouts Facility, she just sat, idling and remembering the events of the day.

She couldn’t even bring herself to cry, because she was way too exhausted and in shock to do so.

She was just breathing in the fresh air, but even that wasn’t enough to satisfy the suffocation she was feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, an interaction will finally happen so, I'm sorry for keeping you away from it for so long. :)


	9. release

a l e x

I was hanging around the entrance because it was one of the places in the whole facility that was quiet.

I was feeling a different type of tired. It was not something I could just sleep off. I wanted to breathe because I just felt so suffocated that it is beyond what I could explain.

I then felt something nudge my shoulder. My curious self’s first reply was to look.

An odm gear was beside me, being held by Levi.

“What are you doing?” I asked, generally confused.

“Let’s do some night flying.” He said right away.

“I’m sorry, I’m not in the mood right now,” I answered back.

Honestly, I did want to do it. Even I wondered what was stopping me.

“Just do it. You need it.” He said with confidence in his tone.

I chuckled at the event of his certainty.

“How would you know that?” I questioned him, even though he was right.

“Because I need it too.” He plainly let out.

I peered at him for a short moment, studying the way he was staring at me. In the eyes of another person, he may look stern and as if there was no emotion in him, but the way he was looking at me right now, gave me chills. His face was telling me that he was alright, but his eyes were saying something different.

I don’t know if it was just because I really did want to do some night flying, or if it was because I remembered some words going around about him. That like me, he had also lost his friends on the expedition. That like me, he was going through the same pain. I felt like he could understand how I’m feeling, and maybe that’s why I replied to him with, “Fine.”

I stood up from the step of the entrance and took hold of the odm he handed out for me. I put it on and walked further from the entrance.

Levi followed me as I went toward a larger area.

Immediately, I started flying up. It felt really good.

The air was becoming a little less suffocating. I felt as if I could finally let my emotions through. It was so damn cold. It was freezing cold. I was just flying around and remembering so many memories along the way.

I remembered the first time I ever used an odm, the first time I had to go on an expedition. I remembered my days of training, all the running I did as punishment for stealing stuff from the commander. All the good and pleasant meals I had. I remembered all of those bittersweet moments, and every time I had Sophia with me.

I found happiness inside of the cruel wonders of this damn world I had to live in. More than the walls that had built my whole life, I found someone more than my other half. She was like a reflection. She could understand every bit of me, every problem that I have ever gone through.

For four straight years, all we had was each other.

From the moment I walked into this facility until the day I saw her die in front of me.

Could I have saved her if I was just a little bit earlier? Would things have been different?

Why was it that I could freely think now? Flying around made me feel that I could at least be comfortable with being sad even just for a few moments.

I really needed this. I could finally breathe that I’m starting to feel better even if I was still feeling so much pain. I can’t explain it, but I just know I was feeling better.

I stopped moving mid-air for a few seconds eventually leading to me falling to the ground. I was okay now. I could breathe, more so I could cry.

It was one loud cry. I haven’t cried for a long time, and it hurt a lot. It was still so cold.

But I felt as the weight erupted from my chest. It was disappearing. It was getting a little warmer. I could breathe.

I could breathe.

“I can breathe. Finally.” I said as I was sitting on the ground after crashing softly. I just started shaking as the tears strayed away from my eyes.

I hit my chest every time a tear would fall because that was how much it hurt to even cry. But that was me breathing, no longer suffocating.

This was the result of keeping so much emotion inside. More so, I was like an erupting volcano at the moment.


	10. sorrow

l e v i

Many things confused me throughout the day.

I had lost my friends in a very short moment. For those minutes that I was just with them, going to those moments that I saw their remains.

Even right now, I’m confused about everything.

Why I’m suddenly thought of following Erwin? Why I was walking out of the facility with two odm gears with me?

I was doing things that were so out of character for me.

Earlier, I had seen Alex through the window of my room.

She was just alone in front of the facility entrance.

I snuck out two odm gears from the supply room and brought them out of the facility.

A small conversation passed, and for a short moment, I was flying around with Alex.

I studied her every movement. She didn't seem to be going in any specific direction. She was just flying for the sake of flying.

For a moment she stopped, then she fell to the ground. She was fortunate she wasn't that far off the ground or she would have hurt herself badly.

I went down to approach her.

However, as I reached her figure, she cried, “I can breathe. Finally.”

I started questioning how bad she was feeling. How much of a heavy loss was it really that she was going through?

She started shaking, then she burst into tears.

I froze up, I didn't know what to do because I wasn't usually stuck in situations like this.

I had to watch her cry as she hit her chest in pain continuously.

It was hard to watch, and I didn't know the reason why but I felt pain for her. Normally, I wouldn't care, but the way she cried, carried out the same emotions that were running through me.

I felt the heavy feeling too. In fact, I was still feeling it.

Maybe I was inclined to tell her to fly because I internally knew that we were going through the same pain. And the sight in front of me just proves that I was right.

She was feeling the way that I was feeling.

I wish I could let my emotions out that easily without ever having regrets about doing so.

But as far as my personality goes, it won't happen anytime soon.

________

After a few minutes of her just crying, she finally found the strength to stand up and walk back to the entrance.

Her face was weak, and though it was dark, I could see how sad she looked as we walked back.

We didn't talk that much at all.

Just that small conversation a while ago, and now back to nothing.

Carrying the odm gear she used, she walked back into the facility.

She looked at me once more, her eyes were sore.

“Thank you.” She softly spoke, then she looked away and continued walking.


	11. When we shared the pain.

It was now that change of pace.

As breakfast forwarded, Alex was a little bit late to get to the dining hall.

However, that wasn't the reason for everyone’s attention to be turned toward her.

She had cut her hair short, a few inches above her shoulder. She still dressed the way she usually would, but even an oblivious person can tell that there was something different about her more than her hair.

Walking past a few tables, Hange was the one to invite her to their table.

Alex appreciated that a lot considering that Sophia was always the one she sat with during meals, but she couldn't do that now.

She just tried to play it off as if it was something bittersweet, that at least she gets to talk to new people, even if she wasn't comfortable with it.

“How are you feeling today, Alex?” Mobile asked out of concern.

“I’m doing well. Thank you.” She gave off a simple reply. For one, her words did not match the way she looked. She was still affected by the events of the expedition, not that she shouldn't be.

________

After the whole event of the breakfast, everything else was quite uneventful.

They had training after, and Levi was one to train with Alex.

They were like actual partners, they could tell the move each other was going to play and they stood as equals.

It was quite a sight for the watchers, they’ve seen Alex for a long time, but they’ve never seen her fight like that.

Somehow a lot of things changed with her.

She was never as vulnerable as people thought she was.

Because of the fast improvement of her capabilities and her great ability to work with Levi, the two of them became partners and we're quite inseparable.

They seemed to have their language, and they can understand each other even in the weirdest ways.

They shared the same liking, same pain, and the same method of healing if they were ever healing.

It was just that bond that was built over pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The succeeding chapters after this will be much longer as they will now begin to tell the actual story. I hope you're enjoying it so far and thank you so much for reading my book!


	12. begin again

a few years later

a l e x

I sent a small look over Levi’s direction, and he immediately knew what I meant.

As I scurried over to the titans on the left, I had positioned my odm to bring me to exactly to the nape. Upon immediate reflex, I swung my blades and killed the titan. Levi on the other hand handled the titan next to the one I just killed.

It was like this for a lot of years, and just like usual, it’s almost time for a new series of soldiers to join the corps.

I question the importance of their joining though because, at the end of the day, I can’t tell if they would make it out alive just being in one expedition.

Last year, most of the people who joined the survey corps seemed to have just been picked away like flowers. For all the hard work they did to get in, all they got was nothing more but sudden death.

Wall Maria had been destroyed and it has brought a great amount of turmoil to the civilians inside the walls.

Other than those events, my life has been quite bland at the moment, I appeared to have become a little less a warm person according to people, but I’m fine with this.

In this world, fewer relationships mean less pain.

________

After killing the last of the remaining titans throughout the wall, I felt a weird sensation kicking in.

I went down from the roof I was standing on to be on a more stable surface.

My head was feeling quite uneasy, but I wasn’t feeling exhausted.

Levi approached me upon noticing my sudden gestures of pain and asked, “What’s up with you?”

“I don’t know,” I replied with confusion about the events surrounding my body.

“Anyway, we’re being called to go back. From how you look right now, it doesn’t seem like a bad time.” He said to me with the slightest hint of concern.

I walked away from him to get back closer to the wall.

I thrust myself up and climbed up to where the other members are.

I felt like I wanted to throw up, but somehow it was to an extent where I could still hold it.

________

Like I was expecting, upon arrival back to the facility, I had to run to the lavatory to throw up.

I didn’t know why I was feeling this way. I didn’t even eat much.

My eyes had widened upon the sight of red liquid on my hands.

It was then that I had realized, I just threw up blood.

Why? I didn’t know. This was the first time this ever happened.

Knocking followed on the door of the restroom.

“Wait for a second,” I yelled out as I wiped the blood off my mouth.

I washed my mouth then I opened the door as fast as I could to keep anyone from suspecting.

“Levi,” I said upon seeing this man who was just barely smaller than me.

“What happened to you? I heard it, I heard you throwing up.” He said, his face scrunching to a frown.

“Nothing. I just felt dizzy and as it turns out the food from this morning doesn't want to stay in my body.” I replied to him, hoping he’ll just believe it.

“You should eat properly you know, you’re going to end up killing yourself before titans do.” He replied in a harsh tone, but I was aware that he was just worried.

I scoffed, “And what makes you think I’ll let a stupid titan end my life. I’d rather jump off a cliff.” I then replied to him.

“Tch. Whatever.” He said walking away from me.

Behind his back, I started making faces and imitating him to mock him, because why not.

“Tch. Whatever.” I whispered as a mock, he then looked back at me with his eyes as if it could kill.

“Are you making fun of me?” He asked as he looked back at me.

“N-no,” I replied with a shaky voice.

He then walked back to me, still having his dangerous eyes.

His footsteps would echo in my ear for every step that he took. He was so close.

Way to close. “You better not be.”

Because of the proximity, I knew my cheeks were flushing, and in no way did I want him to see that.

I was sorry but he would understand.

I stepped on his toe, then ran away.

“Sayonara, Levi Heichou!” I yelled out, making sure he doesn’t ever catch up with me, because knowing him, he’s already running and I have put myself in another predicament.

All jokes put aside, me and Levi went to the short conference that Erwin called for and he was immediately announcing another expedition after the graduation of the 104th cadet corps.

I took these things lighter than how other people would take them. I was used to death and gore.

In about six to eight years, I’ve probably seen tens of thousands of decapitated body parts that it doesn't get to me now.

In other words, I was passive and I just accepted that I can die any day and I wouldn’t care at all.


	13. child

a l e x

After the meeting came to an end, Levi pulled me to a corner. I was struck with confusion as I didn’t know what was running in his mind.

“What are you doing?” I had asked while looking around and not wanting anyone to see this close proximity because many people were quite nosy.

“Rest.” He simply spoke.

“I will. Goodness.” I say, pushing him away.

“Personal space, Levi. personal space.” I said, trying to act like I wasn’t flustered for a short moment.

“I’m serious. Go rest right now.” Levi said, playfully pushing me toward the direction of the rooms.

“I will. I will.” I walked away as I said.

That guy acts more like a mom than a best friend, jeez.

However, I got quite curious, and I guess I was slightly concerned.

“How about you? Are you not going to rest?” I turned back around to ask him.

“No. It's not like resting has any effect on me.” He replied, looking away from me.

“Eh. You’re not wrong, but,” I started. I walked back toward him and he looked confused for every step that I took going closer to him.

I grabbed his hand and immediately pulled him toward the direction of the rooms.

“You know I am that annoying ass friend and when I say that I won’t rest if you don’t do so as well, I’m serious,” I said to him so confidently.

I personally am not the type of person that Levi can shut up. I am my own person and I do what I want, even if that would mean that I would be yelled at with the words, “Shut the fuck up.”

“Tch.” That was all he said back to me, and he didn’t make an effort to get out of my grasp.

He knew he couldn’t stop me. If he really wanted me to rest, he’d have to go by my persistent ways.

________

“If I wake up and go to your room to find out that you didn’t rest and you just did the paperwork, I won’t continue resting at all.” I threatened as if it was the biggest problem ever.

“You really don’t trust me, do you?” He asked, sounding of fake disappointment.

“Shut up. Do you want me to kill you? The last time I told you to rest in exchange for me resting, you not only did your paperwork but also mine.” I claimed with an upsetting tone.

He looked away from me, most probably pretending as if the events that came out from my mouth, never happened.

“Just shut up and rest.” He replied after hearing my rambling.

His room was just across mine so I will definitely check.

I walked into my room and closed the door behind me. I was quite tired so sleeping wouldn’t be that difficult.

________

Where the hell am I?

“Cierces.” Someone said I was more so concerned to find out who said these words.

“Who’s there?” I questioned with a slight tone of fear.

A faceless man walked toward me. Nothing was familiar about him, not his voice, not his words, nothing at all.

“Who are you?” I asked, but he said nothing.

He was carrying a syringe with him, and I just crawled back for every step that he took closer to me.

“Don’t be scared. At least, you’ll never be a monster. Take one for the team, child.” He walked closer to me, roughly grabbing my arm and injecting whatever it was that was in the syringe.

“There you go. You know it has been done.”

Another voice then spoke, a voice of a child perhaps. I had closed my eyes for a few seconds and no longer was I in front of the faceless man.

Instead, there was a child, her arm being grabbed by the faceless man as he whispered, “You’ll never be a monster.”

“This has to be done.” He said once more.

“Stop. It’s painful.” The child cried out loud.

However, the faceless man did not stop. He took out a blade from his pocket and cut three scars over the child’s left hand.

The child yelled out in pain, trying to catch her breath as the pain succumbed her deeper and deeper by the second.

By any means of instinct, I yelled, “She said it’s painful! Stop it. You disgusting creature.”

The faceless man turned in my direction, still carrying a syringe in his hand.

“You’ll never be a monster. Because I will make sure that you will forever be in pain from the monsters of your world.” He said, inching his face closer and closer to mine until it felt so uncomfortable.

His words felt like a threat. He grabbed me by the shoulder and forced the syringe by my stomach.

It felt painful. Like every vein in my body was exploding, like I was bleeding non-stop.

I screamed out loud. My eyes releasing tears of pain. It was so hot. So very hot.

I was drifting off, just watching a child, watching me in pain.


	14. friends

An hour and a few minutes had passed and Levi was just laying down on his bed like how Alex had asked him to.

He would hate to admit it, but he actually did find it helpful.

It was at this moment that someone yelled outside his door.

“Captain!” It was a loud and fearful yell that made Levi feel an immense amount of concern.

He got up from his bed and ran out of his room to find a cadet inside Alex’s room.

She was shaking and sweating intensely. Now and then she’d say a couple of words and she would cry. Her eyes were closed but streams of tears flowed through them as she yelled.

“Alex,” Levi said as he ran to her, trying to wake her up.

His first attempt at getting her out of her situation was a failure. She continued to shake and cry.

“Wake up. It's just a dream.” He repeated again and again until something would change in her state.

As she was shaking continuously, her nose started to bleed. Maybe it was from whatever she was seeing or whatever pain it was that she was feeling.

“Alex!” Levi had called out for the third time, this time he shook her awake. He raised his hand for a few seconds and as he went to grab her hand that wasn’t in any way steady, she burst up from bed, breathing heavily as tears continued to stream down her face.

Fear was visible in her eyes.

Levi out of instinct had pulled her to an embrace. She crying as her head laid on Levi’s chest.

“It’s just a dream. You’re okay.” He said with worry in his voice. He softly moved his hand through her hair. In his own ways, he tried to calm her down.

“Cadet. Get Hange in here now.” He said as he looked at the frightened cadet and commanded him to be of help during this situation.

The cadet then ran out of the room with haste.

Levi looked back at Alex and felt a sense of confusion toward the way she was being right now.

After changing into such a strong person, this was the most vulnerable she was in a long time.

_________

“How are you feeling?” Erwin asked after Levi told him what went down.

“I’m fine,” Alex replied. She had forced a smile to meet on her face, but body language-wise, it was quite obvious that she was still quite disturbed about what happened in her sleep.

“Continue resting for a while. Maybe you just got really tired that your mind made up scary things.” Hange said, inclining her to stay in bed.

“I don’t want to rest anymore, can I just walk around? I think I just want some air.” She retorted, losing interest in staying in bed any longer.

“Are you sure you don’t want to just stay in bed?” Hange asked once more.

“Yes.” She replied.

Eventually, she stood up from her bed and walked out of her room.

She just left the trio in her room and went ahead to think about what happened in her dream.

As augmented as it was from the reality she knew, she felt as though she was truly there. She felt as if everything happening was actually happening to her.

But it was all a dream. A dream that felt too real.

The child looked quite familiar as if she had seen her before, but that wasn’t the main question running in her mind. She was more concerned about why she was dreaming about this. What happened somewhere deep in her memory that gave her dreams like these?

She walked outside the facility, just as she told Hange. As the day was already quite late, the view looked rather deep and dragging. The sun was more so depressing. It was combined with that breeze of the wind making the scene colder.

The feeling had sunken. The truth of reality came crashing in, that even in her sleep, the world just can’t be peaceful.

Though nightmares weren’t something that was rare for her, Alex deemed that they were getting more and more frightening as the years went by.

“This is weird. Where’s Ackerman?” That light and raspy voice ruined the mood.

“Jack. What are you doing here?” Alex asked with an annoyed and upset look in her eyes.

“Calm down, are you really that annoyed by me?” He asked as he sat beside her near the facility entrance.

“Yes.” Alex simply replied. She had looked at him for a second, then went back to staring back at the view in front of her.

There was a long period of silence between them, however, out of the blue, the mood suddenly changed.

“You good?” He asked. There was a hint of concern in his voice, unlike his usual personality of being a jackass (as the name states)

Alex looked at him with a raise of eyebrows. This was definitely something new in her book.

“I heard what happened, so I’m asking you; are you okay?” He asked once more.

Alex sighed feeling a comfortable segment between them.

“Honestly… I don’t know.” She replied as she faced away from him.

“I really don’t know. I guess that event left me rather confused.” She added not switching her glances in any way.

“Whatever it is, you’ll get through it. You’ve gotten over a dead friend. I’m sure a nightmare like that won’t faze you.” He replied after hearing her dry remark.

Alex glared at him for his statement, it was more of a joking reaction, but she did appreciate his semi-nice words.

“If I was in the right mind, I would have punched you right now.” She remarked, looking away from him after saying so.

“What? Doesn’t that sound like something good to say?” He asked, acting oblivious.

She looked at him again with a dangerous glare in her eyes,“It probably is nice for another person, but you’ve known me for more than six years, you should know I won’t find those words comforting.“ She retorted.

“But I guess I appreciate your concern, so thank you anyway.” She added, once more looking away from him.

He scoffed, inclining to chuckle before it was put into his mind that he didn’t want Alex taking that into an incorrect understanding.

Unfortunately, this man just didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut, eventually asking questions like, “Anyway, are you and Ackerman a thing now?” which would lead to him being painfully elbowed by Alex.

“Bitch.” He remarked. “I was only asking.”

“Yeah. Asking the wrong questions. Why would you even say that?” Alex replied, however, deep inside her mind, she did want to know why he would say that.

“Seriously, he was so worried about you a while ago, when he called the commander over to your room, I saw an emotion of fear in his face, and that isn’t usually what I would see in the face of Levi Ackerman.” Jack narrated with his mocking tone.

“I guess he just cares a lot about me, we’ve been friends for quite a few years now,” Alex replied, just to justify his thoughts.

As Alex answered Jack, he immediately thought of a way to tease her, something which went along the words of, “Friends?”

Once again, earning him and painful elbow from Alex.

“Aish. I’m going back inside.” She said, standing up from the seat next to the entrance.

“Bye.”

“Asshole.”


	15. if only

l e v i

“She agreed to this?” I question Erwin about having Alex leave the facility for a week.

“With much begging, I was able to convince her. Yes.” Erwin answered as he was doing skimming through his paperwork.

I gave him a subtle questioning look. The way he was describing Alex right now, did not sound like Alex at all.

“Even so, she actually agreed when you begged her? What did you give her in return for her to do that?” I asked in slight disbelief.

“Nothing. She said no the first few times, but after a while, she agreed without asking anything in return.” He explained, lifting his head to face me.

From his tone, I could tell that even he couldn’t study what was running in his sister’s mind.

She was acting rather weird these past few days and weeks. She was more so, quieter than her usual self. As good as that may sound to most, the environment seems to get less lively when she’s not loud and a little crazy.

That brat. She's been gone for five days and she didn't even tell me she was leaving.

I had asked Erwin why he begged her to leave for a week and he just said that it was so she can rest. He had a point, as there are beds and rooms present in this whole facility, it is quite difficult to rest here knowing how busy the whole place can get.

I hope that brat is resting though, she better not be wasting the opportunity given to her.

________

a I e x

“I can’t believe you’re still here, I thought you’d pick up and leave since the results are taking too long...” The doctor said as he walked into the room where I was resting.

“I was going to leave you know, but—”

“But you couldn’t... Because even you want to know what’s wrong with you, don’t you?” The doctor continued my unfinished words.

“I wouldn't have agreed with Erwin’s idea if it weren't for that reason. Of course, I want to know what's wrong with me. How else am I to get better?” I replied with an upset tone as I rolled my eyes. The way I conveyed myself was partly a joke and the doctor knew that well as this wasn’t the first time I’ve gone here.

He did observe me for a while, and afterwards he just smiled, “You still haven’t change at all, have you?” He asked.

I gave a confident grin over to his direction, “I mean I am pretty cool, why would I change that?” I said as I pretentiously acted like a narcissistic being.

He just chuckled and I replied, “Excuse me?”, I wasn’t annoyed, of course. I just loved messing with people.

However, after that remark, his chuckle became a laugh.

“What the hell? I am cool. Even you said so!” I retorted as I threw a pillow to his direction.

He caught it and said, “And when did I ever say that?” He crossed his arms and raised his brow.

Okay okay, he might have not said it, but hey, I had to defend myself.

I just said nothing and laid back in bed.

I rolled my eyes in defeat, but it wasn’t anything serious. For a fact, it was the most humorous event that has happened for the past few days.

“Anyway, Erwin told me that you had a nightmare a few days ago, do you mind telling me what it was about?” He asked.

I sighed and sat comfortably, “I don’t mind, but I don’t even know how I’m going to tell you. It was so weird. There was a faceless man, and a child who wasn’t in any way familiar to me, but somehow they did feel familiar. The guy was hurting me, then hurting the child, and when I tried to tell him to stop hurting the child, he injected me with this serum. It was excruciatingly painful. I felt as if I was going to die. Then, I woke up.” I explained, maybe a little too emotional as I explained the significant details.

“Interesting... was this the first time you had a nightmare like this?” He asked as he took out a notebook and a pen.

“I’ve had similar dreams but, they were never this bad,” I replied, trying to connect the dreams I’ve had.

“I see. Anyway, I’m going to go check on your results. Go rest once again.” He said as he wrote some things on his notebook.

He then kept the notebook and walked out of the room.

“Resting... again. Jeez— I wonder what’s going on with the Scouts now. It’s pretty late so they might be sleeping. Levi must be drinking tea and is probably thinking of cleaning his room, oh and Erwin is probably doing his paperwork, that guy never rests...” I said to myself, just imagining them working.

“By this time, Hange would still be in the basement doing some experiments. Hopefully, Sawney and Bean are doing well, I may hate their kind, but Hange seems to really love them. Weird lady, but I love her.” I continued, just imagining my friends.

If the world wasn’t filled with titans, I would see my friends living normal lives.

I wish titans just didn’t exist. Maybe my friends wouldn’t have to live their days in worry and fear.

If only.

________

As the sun rose the next day, I had waited until the doctor told me about my results.

I woke up properly, but somehow, something just didn't feel right. Is something happening back in the facility? Why do I feel this uncertain?

I feel like I need to go home now, but my results aren't back yet.

I do want to know what's wrong with me, but what if I need to be there.

Screw it.

I'm leaving.


	16. return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had edited this chapter as there was a huge part of it missing when I reviewed it today. I'm really sorry about that, I am still trying to get used to how things work here, but nonetheless, thank you for reading my book. <3

“No, commander. Pyxis's plan is to seal the hole in the wall using Eren Yeager.” A cadet informed Erwin as they were alarmed about the happenings in Wall Rose.

“Eren Yeager?” Erwin questioned upon hearing the name.

“He’s a member of the 104th Training Corps. Apparently, he transformed into a titan, and his titan form is what they’ll use to carry the rock in the center of Wall Rose to close the hole in the wall.” She explained, however, even she questioned what she talking about, as a person becoming a titan was something new to her.

“I see. Send Levi Squad to go there first. We’ll follow shortly.”

“Yes. Commander.” She replied, then she left looking for Levi.

________

As the whole of the survey corps was leaving to backup the Garrison Regiment at Wall Rose, Alex had returned to the facility a day earlier than she was supposed to.

She had known that her instinct was correct upon noticing the rushing of the scouts to leave.

She ran inside the facility toward the place where all the mobility gears were stored.

There were only guards inside the facility, and almost all of them had questioned what Alex was doing there, knowing that she was supposed to be back a day later.

She grabbed her ODM gear and prepared as quickly as she could. She didn’t bother switching to her uniform, because honestly who would have time to do that now.

And so she ran out the facility with her horse, wearing the Scouts cape and the dress she had been wearing since she left the doctor’s place.

Without any idea about what was going on, she charged towards the direction of Wall Rose and tried to get through with whatever the plan was.

Wall Rose was surrounded by a lot of titans, after all the wall had a gaping hole to let the titans in.

Alex lunged forward with her OdM and left her horse for a short moment.

Hooking her strings to the titans ahead of her, she went straight for the nape and was able to kill a long streak of titans before she spotted Petra and Gunther.

“What’s up, guys!” She calmly approached the two as they had just finished killing titans.

“Captain Cierces, what are you doing here?” Petra asked upon seeing her when she shouldn’t.

“I came back a day early. I had a bad feeling, and now here I am.” Alex casually explained.

“Well, we’re glad that you’re here. Our goal as of now is to protect that titan over there.” Gunther explained as he pointed to the Attack Titan.

“What is that?” Alex questioned.

“Right now, it’s more of a who,” Gunther replied, making Alex's eyebrows furrow.

“Alright. I’ll know more soon I guess. Let’s just get with the plan.” Alex said as she spotted more titans coming.

“Captain, are you sure you can do this already?” Petra questioned Alex’s determination to get started.

She was silent for a bit, but she didn’t have second thoughts.

“I got it.” She claimed.

She smirked at Petra and gave her a sly wink.

She then thrust herself forward to where the titans were and began the slaying that never seemed to end.

“Captain is very bewildering,” Petra said as she observed Alex move around and kill titans on her own.

Gunther chuckled in agreement to Petra, he then said, “She is, but we should move or we’d probably never see her again.”

Petra gave him a small nod and they proceeded to the west side of the wall just as planned.

________

It didn't take long for Alex to spot Levi making his way over the wall as the titan they were tasked to protect was heading towards the wall carrying the big rock.

Beside the titan, there were two people, one with blonde hair and the other with black hair. They were working their heads off to make sure that the titan gets that stone to the wall.

Alex tried to help as much as she could, going around to places in which her odm permits her to go. All the titans heading towards the direction of the ‘abnormal’ titan they were protecting, she tried to kill or at least slowdown. She was able to kill quite a lot until the abnormal finally reached the hole in the wall.

As some of the titans were already at the front part of the wall, Alex thrust herself forward to get to where the others were.

Some of the cadets of the training corps were having their fair share of killing titans, however, it was clear to see that they were struggling as an increasing number of titans came after them.

________

Sasha, Connie, and Jean were some of the cadets who remained inside the wall in distance to Eren Yeager.

The titans were slowly approaching them and as they were closer, it became harder to run and manage them.

“Guys, I’m out of gas and we are in a very bad position,” Connie said as he felt his tank weigh lighter.

“Same here,” Sasha replied as she observed her gear.

All of a sudden a titan appeared behind Jean which caused a collision on the whole of the tall building they were standing on.

Sasha and Connie were to fall onto a titan waiting as it can swallow them whole. On the other hand, the titan that appeared had Jean in his hand.

The three of them started screaming as they didn’t know what to do in this situation.

“This must be the end.” They said. They were hopeless as they saw no one around... or at least they thought.

For a quick second, something rushed past Sasha and Connie as they fell. As they blinked, the titan below them was lying dead on the ground, and instead of falling, they were hooked by and ODM gear and was hanging safely on a low pole.

In the same quick way, the titan holding Jean died immediately. As he was falling from the loosening of its grasp with fear and anxiety filling him, another hand grabbed his hand.

“I got you.” The person who held him said with a chuckle.

She was able to pull him up. However, since the lower ground was more stable, she helped him down on the ground.

She then helped Sasha and Connie to get down by obtaining her ODM gear and safely bringing them down.

They had never seen anyone move as quick and skillful as her, so upon much observation, they were in awe.

At their first glance, she just seemed like a normal civilian as no one wears a dress to fight like this. They saw the cape that she was wearing, then they looked at the symbol on it, and that when they got the idea that she was a member of the Survey Corps.

She gave them a very calm smile as if she hadn’t just killed multiple titans on her own.

It slightly terrified them, because somehow to them, seeing a person not getting terrified of what people are most likely terrified of is terrifying.

As they stared way too long, she just kept her eyes on them as well.

She then stretched out her hand, “You held up for a long time. Congratulations, you’re not titan food.” She said with a slight tone of certainty.

She fixed her clothing, bearing in mind the folds of her dress to make sure she isn’t showing something she shouldn’t be showing. In this moment, there was not a single event wherein she looked at the cadets in front of her.

“W-who are you?” Sasha asked, looking at Connie and Jean to know if she had asked the right question.

“Oh. I’m sorry, excuse my manners. I’m Captain Cierces. I’m one of the captains of the Survey Corps.” She explained, pulling her hand back as none of the cadets shook it.

“Fine then.” She remarked. “Anyway, see you soon, darlings. I have to go find my friends.” She said as she went away from the cadets and went over the wall towards Erwin.

“Uhh, what just happened?” Connie asked as the three of them watched her fly to the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter can be more so considered a filler, however, the next few chapters are going to start straying away from the events of season 1 because there will be more events between our two main people.


End file.
